Poems and Stories

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Road Rules: India vs Maine


Road Rules: India vs. Maine

In the July 2001 issue of Downeast magazine, there was an article about driving in Maine. It then suggested some fine points about driving tips. Having just returned from India, I decided that a “point-counterpoint” approach might be amusing.

To be careful, I called Downeast Magazine and asked for permission to use some of the information in this article. They said, ”no problem, just give the credits”.

If you are from Maine you will be fine driving in India However, you may find yourself more on the side of the cow than the other drivers.

Lets compare the Rules of the Road!

Maine -

It is OK to turn right on red, after making a complete stop

India –

There are no lights, red, green, yellow, nothing. Just honk your horn many times and turn at any time. Continue to smile and wave at everyone.

Maine –

Please use your turn signals.

India –

There is no need to use turn signals. Simply watch the person in front of you to see which way they might turn. Then, go around them, honking enthusiastically.

Maine –

Pedestrians have the right of way. Especially in Wiscasset when they are heading for Red’s Eats or in Camden where there are more crosswalks than pedestrians after Labor Day.

India –

Cows have the right of way. Pedestrians usually stay out of the road. If you see one, it is considered polite to honk your honk several times before AND after you hit them.

Maine

The breakdown lane is for cars that are actually broken down, not for a shortcut to the next exit.

India –

There are no lanes. A breakdown “lane” would be any area occupied by a vehicle that has not moved for several hours or a cow that has decided to stop while crossing the street.

Maine –

The Passing Lane is used to overtake other cars that might be moving more slowly than you. Please stay out of this lane if you are just cruising.

India –

I repeat, there are no lanes. Usually, seven or eight vehicles will be randomly stretched across a roadway one-half the size of Route 1. To pass another vehicle, motorbike, or gas-powered, three-wheeled rickshaw, simply go around them on either side, honking wildly, but with a courteous, respectful tone.

Maine –

Roadside attractions should be visited by using your turn signal; pulling over to the right and moving well clear of the road. This includes tag sales, yard sales, barn sales, most lobster roll stands, and any place where you can see the water.

India –

The entire country is a roadside attraction. There is no need to pull over, simply slow down, roll down your window, and visit with the nearest individual or attraction. The rest of the world will understand and honk encouragingly as they pass you on either side.

Maine

Horns are considered rude and disturb the tranquility of the locals, other wildlife or slow moving traffic on Route 1 anywhere between Brunswick and Bar Harbor or anywhere near the toll booths on I-95. Please pretend you don’t have one.

India –

Horns are more important than brakes, turn signals, or gas. They should be used continuously, though with a distinct pattern or sequence, not unlike Morse Code. They send a series of messages that must be interpreted by the person in front of you:

  1. Hello there! How’s it going?
  2. I’m right behind you,
  3. Was that arm gesture a turn signal or are you just glad to see me?
  4. Holy cow! Ahead on the right, left or in front of me,
  5. I would like to pass you on your right or left, so keep your eyes peeled,
  6. I am now passing you,
  7. Thanks for letting me pass you,
  8. Nice car, motorbike, motorcycle, rickshaw, etc.
  9. Are you turning or just weaving through the traffic.
  10. Have a nice day,
  11. Have a heart attack,
  12. See you tonight at the _______________!!

Maine –

Road rage is not acceptable and is a clear sign that you have been in Maine less than 3 hours.

India –

There is no road rage whatsoever. Everyone is friendly and sociable with a great attitude. Heavy traffic is a good time to visit or socialize. Dead stop traffic is always a great time to meditate or practice your deep breathing.

Maine –

Always stop for cows in the road.

India –

Same rule. But, if you have any snacks in the car, share them with the cow. He could be your great-great-great grandfather.

Have fun and drive safely, wherever you go!

Tom Crowley

Lincolnville, Maine

Written upon returning from a trip to Bangalore, India.

June 23, 2001

Edited by author on 11/14/02, and again on 7/3/2011