Diary of an Alcoholic

Three weeks ago I was drinking everywhere, hiding wine and vodka to sneak drinks while pretending to have only two....It got bad fast when I was stumbling around the house.

I attended an AA meeting at St Thomas Episopal on Sunday 7/25 - 3 people there; James, Charles, and Jamie -read the Big Book out loud.  Monday   7/26 went again ----- 40 people!!   great meeting.

Tuesday was Tommys Birthday - Today is Wednesday, 7/28 I will go again...

7/25  - no drinks

7/26 - craving at 2 pm - no drinking

7/27 - craving at 7:26 pm - held on - no drinks!

It has now been ONE WEEK since joining AA and starting my sober journey:

• I had two slips - I drank a little Vodka on day.  a few days later on 7/30 I added some wine to my non-alcoholic mushy drink
• I am sorry about those slips and will fight myself to ensure they do not repeat

I am feeling both tired and yet energized by the changes in me.

I have lost 8 pounds by cutting way back on alcohol, sugar, and carbohydrates.

Today is Sunday, August 1st. -

Now it is Wednesday 8/4/21 - Horrible day - many signals and chances to drink. Vodka too close, Red Wine in Bota Box.  working on the boat made me think about it...

Called Jack - no answer.  Went to meeting at 6:30 pm St Thomas Episcopal  - worked

Between 8/4 and 8/8

Not feeling it....I do not believe I am an alcoholic anymore.  Kind of dangerous in some ways:

1. I still want to drink but only at night with Nelle,
2. At times, during the day - I "want" to get alcohol but its not a "need"
3. If I have more than 1 drink, I want 2 maybe 3 but not more,
4. I really want to stop drinking all together -- completely
5. I want to get through the 5 - 8 pm hours

Yesterday, Sunday, 8/8/21

I went to church at 7:30 am - full mask up required - Delta Variant of COVID scary

Good sermon -  something about Elijah written by John

• He gave upand asked God to let him die,
• God said "no way" get up and eat something
• Elijah is depressed, paranoid and suicidal until God steps in
• The chapter of JOHN is interesting

My brain will get better if I stop drinking BUT

How good can it get?  I am 73 fucking years OLD!!

Stopping is getting easier BUT

I was at the beach and went home for something ---

1. I first drained the last of the red wine,
2. then I drank the last of the gin,
3. then I took a swig of white wine

__________Why did I do this?

Its now Monday morning 8/9/21 - new day 

go to 7 am meeting,

take Sammy to Portland -  check out PYS ??  Justina?  

Read your books

enjoy your grandson LEO

do not drink today!

Tuesday 8/10/21

I may be the only person kicked out of an AA meeting!

I went in as usual and listened until it was time for "sharing" where alcoholics tell horrible stories about how alcohol fucked up their lives before they joined AA.  After the meeting, Lester came up to me and said; "Tom, you said it has been 15 days sober. Yet last week you told me you had a drink as a "controlled drinking" test.... Therefore, THAT should have been your new start date.  So, which is it? Are you an alcoholic or not?"
"I don't think I am."

"Then, get the hell out of here."

I left to think about it and I realized that I am NOT an alcoholic.

That night, I went to Ricks Take Out and bought a bottle of red wine and Joey gave me a 16 ounce beer (TESSALATION IPA)  to go with it.  I took it home and Nelle and I had a nice single glass of wine together.  Saving the beer to split tomorrow.  LOL - I guess I just wanted to tell horrible stories about Dad and meet new drunk friends!