VICARIOUS

 VICARIOUS

The word; Vicarious Has Latin Roots

If you act in someone's stead, you take his or her place, at least temporarily.

The oldest meaning of vicarious, which dates to the first half of the 1600s, is "serving instead of someone or something else."

The word vicarious derives from the Latin noun vicis, which means "change," "alternation," or "stead." 

Vicis is also the source of the English prefix vice- (as in "vice president"), meaning "one that takes the place of."

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In literature, “vicarious” appears in many places. My interpretation is “living as others” or believing that you are someone you are not. Easy examples from my life are:

1. making friends with someone whose family I wish I belonged to

2. watching how they lived and loved

3. thinking about being like theme

4. acting like them in dress, words, actions,

5. staying in their homes as if I was their son,

6. trying hard to be accepted.

Real life examples include:

Bob Fazzina’s father and mother,

George Huggins mother and brothers,

Ralph Puerta’s mother (my own DONNA REED)

Nelle’s father, mother, and brothers

The only problem is that I have NEVER really felt accepted by anyone.  In fact, due to the scars of BLAME (earlier post) I felt that I would be "found out" and then rejected.

Red and Martha Garofalo NEVER made me feel this way.  They always accepted and even welcomed me into their family.  It took me many years to believe this.

to be continued

FTC

LB,ME

6/30/22

BLAME

 Blame.  

Blame is a powerful word. To blame someone for something could be both dangerous and do long-lasting harm. If you blame someone and they are innocent of the action for which you have “blamed” them is horribly wrong. I have been a victim of misplaced blame many times as a youth. The reason for this action or behavior by others against me stems from those true actions of mine; lying, shoplifting, theft, deceit, and finally grand theft auto. All before I was 16.

My father blamed me unjustly for many things:

• his alcoholism,

• his divorce, -

  • After 16 years of his alcoholism and abuse, my mother left him. It was 1964 and my birthday was in July. I was serving time on a diary farm in Miflinburg, Pennsylvania for stealing a car, He drove up to see my on my birthday. We went fishing and on the banks of a small creek he blamed ME and my delinquencies for his divorce. Thanks Dad,

• breaking something of his,

  • The corvair’s failed transmission,

    • he towed a heavy trailer and boat from Phila to Camden,

    • It was a homemade heavy trailer that I made at his request,

    • The boat was a waterlogged Comet sailboat,

    • The boat slid forward on the trailer and pinned the engine lid closed

    • despite these issue, he towed the boat BACK to Philadelphia….

    • The corvair was under-powered and NOT meant for a trailer hitch

    • When I borrowed the car a week after returning, the transmission failed

  • a fishing rod, - made for me, borrowed by HIS friend (Sabia) and broken by HIM.

  • a BB gun – given to me for my 10^th birthday. Used by one of HIS friends who broke it. My father blamed me and took the gun away from me.

Years later, after returning to high school in late 1964, I changed my life and plans and was accepted at Penn State. I lived with a friend in a small apartment in Chestnut Hill, PA who had some friends who were wealthy. I aspired to be like them, to hang out with them, to be accepted by them. I went to their parties. I visited them in their homes and felt like I had been accepted.

One day, in early 1965, two guys came to our apartment and accused me of stealing something from one of the homes and told me to stay away. One guy was a known asshole and a liar. He knew I could kick his ass so he brought a friend. The friend was over 6 feet tall and very strong. I guess he was the enforcer. I denied any such actions but due to my known past they blamed me anyway. I think it was just and excuse because the girlfriend of the little man liked me. That experience scarred me for the rest of my life and bothers me today, 57 years later.

There is no need to write further. Obviously, there are many people in prison today who actually ARE innocent but are serving time now. Some are on death row awaiting execution. Others have been executed and then, found innocent after their death.

Now, if my wife blames me for something that I did not do (despite having been guilty of this action at other times) I hate it and hate her for blaming me. However, what is my defense? None.

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Be careful who you blame. They may be innocent and your blame will do harm that may last them for a lifetime.

• Middle English: from Old French blamer, blasmer (verb), from a popular Latin variant of ecclesiastical Latin blasphemare ‘reproach, revile, blaspheme’, from Greek blasphēmein (see blaspheme).